Pacing amongst the rows of brightly packaged cookies and crackers, her pale yellow skirt swishing, her open toed sandals clogging, her crisp white blouse fluttering, Sami almost collided with yet another hapless shopper. After a quick mumbled apology for blocking the aisle and for scaring the 'bejeezes' out of a easily agitated, suffering from heart palpitations, poor old widower of ten years (may God rest his dear Edna's soul) who had almost tipped his cart over in his haste to avoid plowing into her and who almost 'darn near met his maker' in the process, Sami practically tackled Lucas as he handed Will yet another box to throw into an already full cart.
"I'm ready to go." She gritted out, while smiling perkily over her shoulder at the pea green tweed clad gentleman she had just abandoned.
The old man scowled evilly in return shaking his cane at her.
Startled, Sami grasped Lucas by the shoulders and repeated herself.
"I'm Ready to Go."
"Well, I'm not and neither is Will. We haven't decided if we want Oreo's or Chips Ahoy yet, and we haven't even Begun to compare and contrast the multitude of merits between Fishy Crackers and TeddyGrams. Isn't that right Buddy?"
As Will nodded his head solemnly, Sami started rifling through the cart picking up item after item.
"Junk, junk, junk, junk, JUNK! Hey, this is all junk!" She exclaimed throwing Lucas a package she'd just grabbed.
"Ah! Be careful! You almost crushed my Ding-Dongs!" Fumbling, he clutched the chocolate-coated cream filled treats to his chest safe against his 'Bruce Lee' black tee.
"Like I care. Look at the example you're setting for Will. I thought with your new hobby-"
"-Career-"
"-Fine, career, that you'd care about nutrition, that your body is your temple."
"My body is my temple."
"Really? Because, judging from the contents of this cart the only altars you've been praying at belong to Hostess, Little Debbie, and FritoLay."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah that's so."
"Ok, Nutrition Nazi, how about explaining your box of Captain Crunch cereal with the Mega Blast of Crunch Berries? Huh? What do have to say about that? …….. What's the matter the sugar-free fairy got your tongue?"
"A-at least it's enriched with Some vitamins and minerals unlike your precious cupcakes-
"--Ding-dongs-"
"-Whatever, the point is we came here for cereal. The sole purpose of this outing was to get cereal and milk, a five minute trip tops; and forty-five minutes later, guess what we have instead?. . .A Cart Full of Crap! That's What! Forty-five minutes, Lucas, Forty. . .Five. . . . . .Minutes! I could be watching Croc Files right now!"
In amazement, Will looked on as his mother chucked a bag of Cool Ranch Doritoes sky high into the air and his dad made the most spectacular running backwards one handed catch ever. Even the old man pretending to study the vast assortment of raisins and dried prunes down the aisle was impressed. Of course, Sami wasn't. She simply crossed her arms and waited while Lucas sauntered back towards them fuming.
"Oh so that's what this is really about. . .the Crocodile Hunter. . .Will cover your ears." He commanded taking his nemesis gently by the hands and escorting her a few feet away from their son.
"Usted es un uno mismo centrado conceited a palo de golf de la rodilla de la perilla!" He cussed her out under his breath thankful for his three years of High School Spanish.
* translation : you are nothing more than a self-centered conceited knobby-kneed brat *
And while uncertain of the language, Sami sure as hell knew the tone. So, after taking one glance at her son who was doing a terrible job of covering his ears, she searched her mind for long lost knowledge, namely what she gleaned in High School German.
"Ich hasse Sie, Sie groBes grosses dummes Schwein!"
* I hate you, you great big stupid pig
"Perra insane!"
*insane bitch
"Du Freaking Arschloch!"
*you freaking asshole
And so forth and so on, they continued to trade insults never realizing that they were being carefully stalked; and thus, taken completely by surprise when three dark suited men blocked the north end of the aisle while two other equally decked out individuals blocked the south side of the aisle. In fact, Will had to point and ask what the secret service were doing at the 'Pick N Save' while one of the thugs commented loudly to his companions (in Chinese) that he'd enjoy silencing such a pair of bickering crows, before the arguing couple would pay any attention.
------I know I promised some rumbles; they should come in the next chapter or the next (and if I murdered any translations, well I got them off the net. . .what do you expect?)